Source: Practical Parenting Advice
daughter wants to go goth
Hello everyone. My daughter, age 11 wants to go goth. Last time we went shopping, she told me that she wanted to dye her beautiful brown hair black, because she was going goth. When I told her no, she told me that she would settle for emo (emotional goth). My husband and I can't figure out why she's doing this, as she comes from a loving home. Could it be because her Aunt used to be a goth? I have a seven month year old that she ADORES, but when I was pregnant she wouldn't talk to me. This is all very confusing and disappointing to us as we are both 29 and hoped to have another baby, but we are worried that she would hate us if I was pregnant again. Any suggestions? Should we have another baby?
Megan
Dear Megan,
So goth is still a thing, huh? I thought I could help with this, being a former goth-chick myself. Your daughter is looking for something that will be the most shocking and upsetting to you out of rebellion. It could be because of the new baby but honestly, at her age, everything you do is going to piss her off. Teenage hormones are truly a wonderful thing. I'm sure you feel powerless. I'm sure you feel like you are beginning to lose your daughter in a maelstrom of teen angst. But you can put a stop to this.
The key to understanding teen angst is that she is going to love anything you hate. The next time your daughter brings up the emo/goth thing, get excited. Very excited. Gush to her about how finally you guys have something you can do together! Go get mother-daughter goth makeovers: clothes, makeup, nail polish - the whole shebang. Dig up your sister's old goth clothes if she still has them and talk about how cool you always thought goth people were when you were young. The key here is lots and lots of enthusiasm. Let her dye her hair black. Remember it's just hair and she doesn't have a job or anyone she has to impress yet. If you can stand it, dye yours too. In fact you should insist on using the exact same colour as your daughter. Failing that I would opt for a wig.
Be as visible as possible. Drive her and her friends to school in full costume and blast Sisters of Mercy on the stereo. Did she forget her lunch? Vamp yourself out and hand-deliver that baby to her Geography class. Prepare a special outfit for Meet the Teacher Night. When her friends come over, try to relate to them about goth stuff and tell them that they can call you "Mother of Eternal Darkness" or "Lady Megan the Malcontent".
If you follow this advice I can guarantee that your daughter will drop this whole goth thing inside of a month. In fact, this prescription will work for any disturbing sub-culture you would like to steer your daughter away from. Should you have another baby? Absolutely! Never let your kids dictate to you how you should live your life. Besides, I think that "pregnant goth" will be a very effective nail in the coffin of your daughter's fashion rebellion. If it makes you feel any better, know that the vast majority of goth kids I knew back in the day were like this:
daughter wants to go goth
Hello everyone. My daughter, age 11 wants to go goth. Last time we went shopping, she told me that she wanted to dye her beautiful brown hair black, because she was going goth. When I told her no, she told me that she would settle for emo (emotional goth). My husband and I can't figure out why she's doing this, as she comes from a loving home. Could it be because her Aunt used to be a goth? I have a seven month year old that she ADORES, but when I was pregnant she wouldn't talk to me. This is all very confusing and disappointing to us as we are both 29 and hoped to have another baby, but we are worried that she would hate us if I was pregnant again. Any suggestions? Should we have another baby?
Megan
Dear Megan,
So goth is still a thing, huh? I thought I could help with this, being a former goth-chick myself. Your daughter is looking for something that will be the most shocking and upsetting to you out of rebellion. It could be because of the new baby but honestly, at her age, everything you do is going to piss her off. Teenage hormones are truly a wonderful thing. I'm sure you feel powerless. I'm sure you feel like you are beginning to lose your daughter in a maelstrom of teen angst. But you can put a stop to this.
The key to understanding teen angst is that she is going to love anything you hate. The next time your daughter brings up the emo/goth thing, get excited. Very excited. Gush to her about how finally you guys have something you can do together! Go get mother-daughter goth makeovers: clothes, makeup, nail polish - the whole shebang. Dig up your sister's old goth clothes if she still has them and talk about how cool you always thought goth people were when you were young. The key here is lots and lots of enthusiasm. Let her dye her hair black. Remember it's just hair and she doesn't have a job or anyone she has to impress yet. If you can stand it, dye yours too. In fact you should insist on using the exact same colour as your daughter. Failing that I would opt for a wig.
Be as visible as possible. Drive her and her friends to school in full costume and blast Sisters of Mercy on the stereo. Did she forget her lunch? Vamp yourself out and hand-deliver that baby to her Geography class. Prepare a special outfit for Meet the Teacher Night. When her friends come over, try to relate to them about goth stuff and tell them that they can call you "Mother of Eternal Darkness" or "Lady Megan the Malcontent".
If you follow this advice I can guarantee that your daughter will drop this whole goth thing inside of a month. In fact, this prescription will work for any disturbing sub-culture you would like to steer your daughter away from. Should you have another baby? Absolutely! Never let your kids dictate to you how you should live your life. Besides, I think that "pregnant goth" will be a very effective nail in the coffin of your daughter's fashion rebellion. If it makes you feel any better, know that the vast majority of goth kids I knew back in the day were like this:
Have fun!
Mommy "Mistress of Misery" Rotten
Awesome advice. I also agree that a style is JUST a style. Especially when they are younger and it doesn't hurt anything.
ReplyDeleteTotally. To be honest if she were really smart she would know that acting out with fashion is one of the least harmful things a kid can do to rebel. Maybe I should have advised her to act like it's the worst thing in the world so that looking weird is as far as she takes it.
DeleteI love that! I am actually hoping she will forget her lunch so you can take it to her! Terrific advice, and totally harmless :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Goth is still around.
ReplyDeleteNo, it's not a disturbing subculture.
No, most Goths are not violent, mean, or death-obsessed.
I'm a Goth. I'm 25 years old. I'm pursuing a university degree in Linguistics and I hope to live abroad someday. I don't do drugs, I have never committed a crime, and I'm active in my community.
There's nothing wrong with being Goth other than the majority of people just don't like the way we dress or look.