Oh Joy, It Happened Again!

Not too long ago I hit a blogging milestone.  I had been approached by a random stranger who clearly had only seen my web address somewhere with the word "Mommy" in it and therefore targeted me as a place to publish their shit.  Personally, I think this is terrible etiquette and deserving of a bitch-slap.  And so I delivered that bitch-slap in written form...and then published it on my blog.  Because why shouldn't I turn that lemon into lemonade?

Well, it happened again.  And it couldn't have come at a better time because I only have a two hour window to write today and my original topic was turning out to be difficult to open.  I noticed I had a new message in my inbox and it turned out to be this:

Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:30:01 -0400
Subject: Website Question
From: m-------------.com (I'm a bitch but I'm not so bitchy as to publish her e-mail address)
To: mommyrotten@hotmail.ca

Hi,

I recently came across your blog and really like the content and the theme of your site. I was wondering if you accept guest posts because I have recently started writing informational and educational articles about maternity, health, motherhood and other thing closely related to that niche. I believe an article on one of those topics would mesh with your blog very well and also benefit your readers tremendously.  Please let me know if you are interested in seeing and sharing an article with your viewers. 

-- 
Kind Wishes,

Katie

And, being the courteous woman that I am, I replied:

Dear Katie,

First, let me commend you on your decision to start writing.  I like nothing more than to help a fellow writer in whatever humble way I can.  Secondly, thank you so much!  It's always kind of thrilling to receive a compliment on my writing.  Really, you flatter me too much in this obviously-not-a-generic-form-letter e-mail.  I can tell how long you must have spent on my site because, obvs, you really get me and my readers.  I, too, have written educational and informational articles that have benefited my readers tremendously.   Articles you might remember (from having looked at the content and theme of my site) as "The Ten Commandments of Mothering and How to Subvert Them", "7 Reasons Why Pre-natal Classes Are Bullshit", and "Swearing At Your Kids is Good For Them!"  As you can tell, I live to educate and inform.  That is why my readers keep coming back.

So, to show mutual respect, I paid very close attention to this thoughtfully written, obviously-not-a-generic-form-letter e-mail.  Unfortunately, I notice that your articles are intended to mesh with all topics closely related to the niche of maternity, health and motherhood.  In all honesty, it is my opinion that my blog is quite distantly related to that niche.  At least two or three times removed.  I apologize for the mix-up.  I can see now, having gone back and reviewed some of my posts, how you might have been confused.  Perhaps it was my profligate use of the F-word or the fact that I routinely shit on informational articles about maternity and motherhood (though not so much health) that steered you wrong.  So, I think it's not very likely that our articles will mesh.

At this point, you might be asking me why I went through the trouble of carefully crafting this response rather than just replying with a simple "No, thank you" or not replying at all.  Well, it was because you took the time to read and enjoy my blog.  I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that.  It almost hurts me to reject you after you went through all the trouble of researching what it is that I write before approaching me with your request to guest-post.  And really, I must accept responsibility for that after having written all my blog posts so ambiguously.  I thank you for helping me learn this lesson and will be sure to take care to insert more sarcasm in future posts.

In the meantime please be sure to enjoy my post entitled "Does This Make Me a Real Blogger Now?".  I truly believe it will mesh well with your future endeavors, serving to educate, inform and benefit you tremendously.

Kind Wishes,

Mommy Rotten

There's really nothing wrong with approaching someone to guest post, but it is seriously rude when you do it without doing your research first. When you explicitly state that you read and enjoyed my blog and then the rest of your message makes clear that you are LYING that, my friend, is adding insult to injury and I will punish you.  Although, I do think I could get used to this because responding is so much fun.  

I kind of hope they never learn.