I wake suddenly from a strange dream. When I roll over to look at Daddy, he is checking his phone messages in bed.
Me: "Oh my God, I just had the craziest dream....what time is it?"
Daddy: "7:50"
(I roll over and hug him.)
Me: "Oh my God it was so weird....my dream...."
Daddy: "Yeah?"
Me: "Totally. For some reason I was working on an ostrich farm-"
(Daddy starts looking at me like I'm crazy.)
Me: "And we had to get the ostriches to mate-"
(Daddy rolls his eyes and lies back down on the pillow)
Me: "So first, we trick them into this sort of corral thing, road-runner style-"
(Daddy heaves a big sigh and rolls over. I continue talking in his ear)
Me: "By that I mean we put this pile of bird seed in the middle of the corral and wait-"
Daddy: "......(sigh)..."
Me: "Hey, how do ostriches have sex anyway? I woke up before that part. We weren't having much luck with it in the dream."
Daddy: "...(sigh)..."
Me: "Like, all the other birds I've seen have sex kind of fly there, y'know?"
(Silence from Daddy)
Me: "But ostriches are so big. How do they hang on? Do you think they use their necks?"
(More silence)
Me: "Hey, I bet there's a Youtube video! Y'think they'd have a Youtube video of ostrich sex?"
(More silence.)
Me: "Are you officially ignoring me now because I'm talking about ostrich sex?"
Daddy: "Yes."
Me: "I'll go make you some coffee."
Daddy: "You're going to check Youtube for ostrich porn, aren't you?"
Me: "Yes."
And here you have it folks: ostrich porn! (Warning: NSFW)
Me: "Oh my God, I just had the craziest dream....what time is it?"
Daddy: "7:50"
(I roll over and hug him.)
Me: "Oh my God it was so weird....my dream...."
Daddy: "Yeah?"
Me: "Totally. For some reason I was working on an ostrich farm-"
(Daddy starts looking at me like I'm crazy.)
Me: "And we had to get the ostriches to mate-"
(Daddy rolls his eyes and lies back down on the pillow)
Me: "So first, we trick them into this sort of corral thing, road-runner style-"
(Daddy heaves a big sigh and rolls over. I continue talking in his ear)
Me: "By that I mean we put this pile of bird seed in the middle of the corral and wait-"
Daddy: "......(sigh)..."
Me: "Hey, how do ostriches have sex anyway? I woke up before that part. We weren't having much luck with it in the dream."
Daddy: "...(sigh)..."
Me: "Like, all the other birds I've seen have sex kind of fly there, y'know?"
(Silence from Daddy)
Me: "But ostriches are so big. How do they hang on? Do you think they use their necks?"
(More silence)
Me: "Hey, I bet there's a Youtube video! Y'think they'd have a Youtube video of ostrich sex?"
(More silence.)
Me: "Are you officially ignoring me now because I'm talking about ostrich sex?"
Daddy: "Yes."
Me: "I'll go make you some coffee."
Daddy: "You're going to check Youtube for ostrich porn, aren't you?"
Me: "Yes."
And here you have it folks: ostrich porn! (Warning: NSFW)
Youtube has everything.
Click it...or don't click it...Click it...or don't click it...I still haven't decided.
ReplyDeleteIt's really not that bad....just some ruffled feathers and a money shot at the end.
DeleteI followed you because you posted ostrich porn
ReplyDeleteHa! That's awesome, THX!
DeleteI had never even stopped to consider if birds had penises before. Bird sex had never occurred to me. Now I know.
ReplyDeleteOstrich Porn!!! I should really start reading my blog list in the morning before work. This would have kept me giggling all day long!!
ReplyDeleteJeez I was just getting ready for bed and now this. Guess who's going to dream of ostrich porn now you .... you... hey that's really weird, isn't it? EW
ReplyDeleteThe dribblies at the end make me a little bit sad inside. I don't know why. It could be that it's ostrich semen and that I can never unsee that. I'm not sure.
ReplyDelete