It's My Life and I'll Bitch If I Want To!

"You're such a bitch!  I hate you!"

These were my son's parting words to me as I saw him off to school this morning.  I'm sure some of you have heard similar words from your own kids.  Maybe you had to ground them for something.  Maybe you had to tell them that they can't go to that birthday party after all.  Me?  I made my son put on a shirt.  That he picked out for himself.  Yup.  That's how we roll in the Rotten household.

It's not his fault really.  He's probably uber-tired because his little brother kept him up half the night, crying because even after reading a story and getting a song and a glass of water and taking too long to brush his teeth we selfishly sent him to bed.  And then we kept sending him back there for the next two hours as he kept coming back downstairs.  Because we're horrible people.

No doubt about it.  Parenting is hard.  I know this isn't news to anyone who's a parent.  But do you know what is news to me?  What I just found out?  Apparently we're not allowed to complain.  We have no right to bitch.  Because we should have thought about all those things before we became parents.

Lately, I've been coming across this sentiment quite frequently.  I've seen it in blog posts and comments.  I've heard it from non-parents and from Moms at the park.

"She should have thought of that before she had children."

Really?  Allow me to enlighten you for just a moment about forethought and children.

Sometimes, some people don't really want children or are not ready for children yet.  Sometimes when people are actively trying to prevent pregnancy, they get pregnant anyway.  Sometimes those people say to themselves "Fuck it." and go with it and have that baby because, why not?  It wasn't part of their plans but they're rolling with it.  And that doesn't mean they don't love or deserve their kids.  It just means that maybe there wasn't a hell of a lot of thought put into it beforehand.

Sometimes, people have children and then find out that they are mentally ill after the fact.  Sometimes having children is what makes you realize that maybe you suffer from anxiety, depression or bi-polar disorder.  And sometimes people are mentally healthy but their children are not.  Sometimes people with mental health issues also have children with mental health issues because, Yay for genetics!  Sometimes you find out your kid has something you weren't even sure was a real thing (like ADHD for example).

But best of all, sometimes people have children because all anyone ever tells them is how great it is.  They're told it's the most rewarding job in the world and that they'll be paid in kisses and hugs and macaroni art.  They're told that even though their homes are clean and their wallets full, their hearts are empty husks until they bring children into their lives.  They are only told that parenting has its "challenges" but they pale in comparison to those sweet-kissy rewards.  And besides, a good parent can overcome any parenting difficulties.

So, sometimes people don't get the chance to think about parenting before they become parents because they're never told the truth.  That they will love their children fiercely which will make their struggles so much more painful, their angry words so much more hurtful, their behaviours so much more worrisome.

That whatever they thought parenting was going to be like they could never truly be prepared for it because it all depends on the child you end up with and you don't get to pick.  That your kids never got to pick you either and that means they are stuck with whatever skills you do or do not have.

"She should have thought of that before she had kids" is one of the most useless, unhelpful, self-righteous statements I have ever heard in my life.  It is a statement completely devoid of compassion or thought.  Judgmental bitches can take this statement and shove it right up their asses.  Should have plenty of company with their heads.

Me?  I'm just gonna keep on keepin' it real.