Welcome to Themed Thursday: the awesome little blog hop all the cool bloggers are talking about. At least let's hope so. This week's theme is My Dream Job.
I've dreamed of a lot of jobs.
When I was five I wanted to be a Movie Star, like Miss Piggy. At least that's what I told the school librarian at the time. I wasn't serious about it. I just thought Miss Piggy was very beautiful and I felt like I wasn't (kids teased me because I looked like a boy) so what I really meant to say was that I wanted to be beautiful like Miss Piggy. Not much of a career, that.
When I was eleven I wanted to be an Actor's Actor like Meryl Streep or John Malkovich. Because she was worried about my extreme introversion, Mummy Dearest forced me to take acting lessons. I didn't want to, but after my very first stage performance I was bit with the bug: I wanted to act. I wasn't bad either. I always landed parts in anything I tried out for and I took it very seriously. Everything I did for the next five years was to further my acting career: improv, dance lessons, singing lessons...I was a triple threat! Not really.
When I was sixteen I wanted to be a Rock Star. I asked for (and got) a bass guitar for my sweet 16 when my parents fully expected me to ask for a car and for the next four years I lived, breathed, and ate music. I joined the school jazz band, created my own band for the school talent show so kids who wanted to sing would have back up musicians, and then played regular gigs with two bands.
I practiced constantly, spent entire weekends jamming at drummer's houses and lugged my bass guitar with me just about everywhere. I took a great deal of pride in my blistered fingers and short, non-manicured fingernails. Real musicians can't have pretty hands. (Maybe some can? I don't know about pianists. Do pianists have pretty hands?)
When I was twenty-one I wanted to be a Political Scientist. More specifically I wanted to work in PR. More specifically than that I really wanted to be a Spin Doctor like DeNiro in "Wag the Dog". I loved statistics and philosophy and I was obsessed with the way the government and the media manipulated public opinion. Of course I would use my powers for good. I liked the idea of working in campaign management to help get good people into office. I would never want to run for office myself. Too much public scrutiny. Besides, behind the scenes was where the action was at!
When I was twenty three I dropped out of University to go study Television Production at the local college. It seemed to be a natural progression from politics and public manipulation. Then I fell in love with technology and production and wanted to be a Technical Director.
For those not in the know, a Technical Director is someone who sits in the TV control room or truck operating the switcher and also oversees the technical crew, equipment, and mapping of a production. In Canada, where most of our TV jobs are in hockey or the News that means you are doing this on air, live. It might not sound that fun but trust me, actually doing it was very exciting. It even made me enjoy hockey.
But then I got knocked up in my last year of college and trying to start a career in television with a new baby is just about impossible. Depending on the job you land, most starting salaries are a pittance (sometimes minimum wage depending on the job). There's no way they're going to hire a kid green out of college to direct hockey games. The days are 13 hours long plus a commute and daycare is expensive. Also you generally can't afford to take time off. It's mostly contract work so you have to keep working to keep working. Many of my teachers in college were teaching because they had to get out of the game just to see their families. I had to choose between my career and the kind of Mom I wanted to be.
So then I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do.
I'm an excellent cook. My family keeps telling me I should start up a business selling my weird preserves (onion jam and hot pepper jelly) and homemade breads. But this is labour intensive and I couldn't see a way to make a decent profit. Other than that I'm not particularly crafty. I know people who make money with their crafting. I have this very clever friend whose business, Clone Hardware, is jewelry made out of techno junk . Super cute stuff. I have a necklace myself. I love art but I've never been as artsy as her. What possible talent do I have that could make me money?
And then I discovered my current dream job by accident.
It happened about four years ago when I returned from a family reunion and wrote a rant about pantyhose. I had never in my life considered myself anything like a writer. Oh, I tried many times as a teenager. I had a collection of cringe-worthy poems and unfinished short stories. I was keenly aware of how much they sucked. But people responded positively to my rant.
About a month later I wrote another rant about eternally adolescent men who like to string women along but never intend to commit because they're always on the lookout for the next one. This one was even more popular. I was discovering something about myself: I wax eloquent when I'm pissed off.
Once I got a taste of that I couldn't stop. I wrote articles in my facebook notes every week talking about everything; relationships, politics, religion, you name it. It began to seem more appropriate for me to get a blog rather than harass my facebook friends into reading my notes. Also many people were encouraging me to write but these are my friends and family and are therefore obligated to lie to me. I wanted to know what perfect strangers would think.
And that's how Mommy Rotten was born.
So now my dream job is to write comedy for television. I even have the college diploma that declares me qualified for the job. Ultimately I would like Mommy Rotten to become a sitcom about a woman who blogs because she's not brave enough to say the things she thinks in real life. I think it would be good. I'm already adapting my blog posts into episode scripts.
Do you hear that TV executives and producers? I want to write for you. I even have a script with an elevator pitch just waiting for you. Why aren't you hiring me already?
And now allow me to share with you the Dream Jobs of:
Something Clever 2.0
Aspiring to the Middle
Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine
I Like Beer and Babies
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom
the next step
a calibama state of mind
Shit I Don't Tell Most People
Mom With Her Running Shoes On
Who Woulda Thought
The Insomniac's Dream
Happy reading!
I've dreamed of a lot of jobs.
When I was five I wanted to be a Movie Star, like Miss Piggy. At least that's what I told the school librarian at the time. I wasn't serious about it. I just thought Miss Piggy was very beautiful and I felt like I wasn't (kids teased me because I looked like a boy) so what I really meant to say was that I wanted to be beautiful like Miss Piggy. Not much of a career, that.
When I was eleven I wanted to be an Actor's Actor like Meryl Streep or John Malkovich. Because she was worried about my extreme introversion, Mummy Dearest forced me to take acting lessons. I didn't want to, but after my very first stage performance I was bit with the bug: I wanted to act. I wasn't bad either. I always landed parts in anything I tried out for and I took it very seriously. Everything I did for the next five years was to further my acting career: improv, dance lessons, singing lessons...I was a triple threat! Not really.
When I was sixteen I wanted to be a Rock Star. I asked for (and got) a bass guitar for my sweet 16 when my parents fully expected me to ask for a car and for the next four years I lived, breathed, and ate music. I joined the school jazz band, created my own band for the school talent show so kids who wanted to sing would have back up musicians, and then played regular gigs with two bands.
I practiced constantly, spent entire weekends jamming at drummer's houses and lugged my bass guitar with me just about everywhere. I took a great deal of pride in my blistered fingers and short, non-manicured fingernails. Real musicians can't have pretty hands. (Maybe some can? I don't know about pianists. Do pianists have pretty hands?)
When I was twenty-one I wanted to be a Political Scientist. More specifically I wanted to work in PR. More specifically than that I really wanted to be a Spin Doctor like DeNiro in "Wag the Dog". I loved statistics and philosophy and I was obsessed with the way the government and the media manipulated public opinion. Of course I would use my powers for good. I liked the idea of working in campaign management to help get good people into office. I would never want to run for office myself. Too much public scrutiny. Besides, behind the scenes was where the action was at!
When I was twenty three I dropped out of University to go study Television Production at the local college. It seemed to be a natural progression from politics and public manipulation. Then I fell in love with technology and production and wanted to be a Technical Director.
For those not in the know, a Technical Director is someone who sits in the TV control room or truck operating the switcher and also oversees the technical crew, equipment, and mapping of a production. In Canada, where most of our TV jobs are in hockey or the News that means you are doing this on air, live. It might not sound that fun but trust me, actually doing it was very exciting. It even made me enjoy hockey.
But then I got knocked up in my last year of college and trying to start a career in television with a new baby is just about impossible. Depending on the job you land, most starting salaries are a pittance (sometimes minimum wage depending on the job). There's no way they're going to hire a kid green out of college to direct hockey games. The days are 13 hours long plus a commute and daycare is expensive. Also you generally can't afford to take time off. It's mostly contract work so you have to keep working to keep working. Many of my teachers in college were teaching because they had to get out of the game just to see their families. I had to choose between my career and the kind of Mom I wanted to be.
So then I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do.
I'm an excellent cook. My family keeps telling me I should start up a business selling my weird preserves (onion jam and hot pepper jelly) and homemade breads. But this is labour intensive and I couldn't see a way to make a decent profit. Other than that I'm not particularly crafty. I know people who make money with their crafting. I have this very clever friend whose business, Clone Hardware, is jewelry made out of techno junk . Super cute stuff. I have a necklace myself. I love art but I've never been as artsy as her. What possible talent do I have that could make me money?
And then I discovered my current dream job by accident.
It happened about four years ago when I returned from a family reunion and wrote a rant about pantyhose. I had never in my life considered myself anything like a writer. Oh, I tried many times as a teenager. I had a collection of cringe-worthy poems and unfinished short stories. I was keenly aware of how much they sucked. But people responded positively to my rant.
About a month later I wrote another rant about eternally adolescent men who like to string women along but never intend to commit because they're always on the lookout for the next one. This one was even more popular. I was discovering something about myself: I wax eloquent when I'm pissed off.
Once I got a taste of that I couldn't stop. I wrote articles in my facebook notes every week talking about everything; relationships, politics, religion, you name it. It began to seem more appropriate for me to get a blog rather than harass my facebook friends into reading my notes. Also many people were encouraging me to write but these are my friends and family and are therefore obligated to lie to me. I wanted to know what perfect strangers would think.
And that's how Mommy Rotten was born.
So now my dream job is to write comedy for television. I even have the college diploma that declares me qualified for the job. Ultimately I would like Mommy Rotten to become a sitcom about a woman who blogs because she's not brave enough to say the things she thinks in real life. I think it would be good. I'm already adapting my blog posts into episode scripts.
Do you hear that TV executives and producers? I want to write for you. I even have a script with an elevator pitch just waiting for you. Why aren't you hiring me already?
And now allow me to share with you the Dream Jobs of:
Something Clever 2.0
Aspiring to the Middle
Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine
I Like Beer and Babies
Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom
the next step
a calibama state of mind
Shit I Don't Tell Most People
Mom With Her Running Shoes On
Who Woulda Thought
The Insomniac's Dream
Happy reading!
Excellent! You get this dream off the ground and then you can invite your ThemeThursday compatriots to write an episode with you! :-)
ReplyDeleteTotally! It's always better to write comedy with a team.
DeleteI would watch that!
ReplyDeleteP.S. Were you on Goosebumps?
No, I might have been too old for it then (I think I was almost 20 when it started). Could have worked if they had the same casting director as 90210, I guess.
DeleteMost of my performances were on the stage. I was going to go to school in Stratford (Ontario), be in the Shakespeare festivals and then go live in New York after I graduated. It was all going to be very bohemian.
I think "Mommy Rotten" would be an awesome name for a sitcom. I'd totally watch that!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen you make it big - remember to call me if you need someone to play the part of a hooker. I think I'm old enough to do that now (although I'm not sure my hips will fit into those hot pants anymore...).
Great post!
I love "hooker with a heart of gold" characters. My favourite was Patty the Daytime Hooker from My Name is Earl.
DeleteThanks!
I'm with Dani...I'd absolutely watch a show called Mommy Rotten! Write a treatment and register it with the WGA. Then find a way to pitch to some execs out here. It CAN be done. I've seen it happen :-)
DeleteCool, can I be the fat goofball neighbor who comes over unannounced and pokes through the fridge?
ReplyDeleteLove it! I have reading backwards through your posts and almost all of them would make an awesome sitcom. and Mommy Rotten is the perfect title.
ReplyDeleteThat's cool! I'd watch it. I'll write the theme song for you and we can record it - you on bass. It'll be old school like all those great sitcom songs from the '70s!
ReplyDelete